Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Ex

The Ex was the longest relationship I ever had (just shy of three years). The Ex started out as a fuck buddy. The Ex used to call me "My Darling" in such a way that eradicated all his stupidities, all of my doubt about us, and made my heart melt and wrap around his. The Ex gave me my first motorcycle, my first dildo, and what I recalled in Morocco as the happiest moment of my life in the past five years on a weekend trip to Las Vegas. The Ex became my ex almost two years ago, and I still dream about him.

When will it end?

Memory is retarded. The Ex also gave me my angriest moment in the past fifteen years of my life when I found out from a friend at a bar that he'd cheated on me. The Ex was cold and distant half the time we were together. I broke up with him after a strained year of living together in Oakland, separated from our friends by the Bay and the idiocy of our continued relationship. I know that it was right to move out and move on, and I don't regret it. My heart and memory, it seems, have other intentions.

When will it end?

The Ex started dating someone who looked like me (Asian) but much younger and hotter within weeks after we broke up. They're still together, pretty much. The Ex lives in San Francisco, approximately 3,000 miles away. The Ex is totally and wholly The Ex.

Why, in my dreams, is he still my boyfriend? Am I fucken retarded?

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