Monday, June 30, 2008

yes, keetens, i really am busy

My week has pretty much been a swift return to the boozeness, peaking Friday night with My Friend's brilliant idea to get me to drink six shots of whiskey on the roof of his building before I needed to go out to Brooklyn. Needless to say, I peed on someone's German automobile and woke up at 4:30 in the morning, confused, hungover, and in Park Slope.

That day was a rough day. I made my way out to Little Neck for an epic BBQ involving at least a dozen chickens, a duck, a turkey, lamb gyros, a repeat of the amazing Brazilian picanha (expertly prepared by my current obsession, Tyler), and several thousand dollars worth of beer. Tyler is driving me fucken crazy. I don't know why I have to want someone who is clearly emotionally inaccessible, but that's just the way it is, I guess. The boy just won't give me a damn inch. I hate hate hate love love him. I spent the evening wondering how to connect with him, aside from showing him my many bruises and scrapes from the past few days. Incidentally, this is also how I connect with eight-year-olds.

On a happy note, I finally grew the makings of a spine--albeit a flexible, cartilage-based one--and broke it off with Joe. I had failed on making the transition earlier this week, and I am horrible at ending things with nice boys whose only mistake was to show me how truly interested they were in pursuing a meaningful relationship with me.

I had kind of thought/hoped/feared that I had "broken up" with him via drunk voicemail on the night of my whiskey greyout, but then I kept getting more messages from him. I just want to share this with you, because this was a good one. It worked for me, and maybe it can work for you, too!

Ending a 6-week affair via text message, in less than 100 words:
Joe: Hi! Hang out tonight?
S: Sorry i cannot
Joe: Pssh, I give up. (this was the third night in a row)
S: Sorry it's nothing personal--i am really busy this week. To be honest i didn't really expect to see you anymore because of our travels. (it took me a half hour to decide between saying 'didn't' and 'don't')
Joe: Ah no hard feelings. Its a bummer, I'd squeeze in time for it (by it I think he meant fucking, what do you think?) but we can call it even.
(Ten minutes later)
Joe: Ah heck with it, if I dont see you - good luck out there!
(Awww! What a sweetheart!)

S: Thanks doll, say hello to the cali for me.

Done and done. Now, back to my secret plans.

Monday, June 16, 2008

eternal sunshine in The Last Frontier

Just got back last night from a weekend excursion up to Denali. I think it's the farthest north I've ever been. We spent one night on the Big Su River in Talkeetna, setting up camp next to a bunch of boys who were drinking away the money they'd made playing banjo and fiddle on the little tourist strip in town. We posted up next to their fire until the rain drove us into the tent with the dog.

The next morning we drove into Denali to meet up with our friend, and camped on Dragonfly Creek, precariously stumbling down to the river with a liter of whiskey poured into three cups. In the morning we got up and hiked Mt. Healy, a good five-hour hike, legs burning, and the farther up we got, the more mountains we could see. We went up so far that I made snowballs! I only fell once during the descent, and then we bumbled into the lodge where our friend had gotten us a room, and took much-needed showers before heading into town with a gorgeous 19-year-old boy and having crab legs and such at The Perch. At this point, stuffed and full of wine and beer and booze, I was ready to pass out. Instead we went to the bar, swallowed a bunch of ecstasy, and boozed until the bar closed at 4 a.m. Yes, the sun was still shining at this time. It is insane here! But that makes camping so much easier: you don't need to bring a flashlight.

It's been wild meeting all these kids who just come up to Denali to work for the summer, many of whom work the ski resorts in the winter time. This is not something that I have ever done, or had ever even thought of doing, but it makes so much sense. You meet a lot of people from all over, make some money, and get out of town. And everyone is so chill, I love it. Almost makes me want to move up here, only there's this period of nine months known as winter.

Oh, Alaska. What peace, what space, what a life. Being up here in all these adventures really makes me miss my Ex. This is my first time camping without him. He would love it up here.

Monday, June 2, 2008

blah blah boys

My wonderful Neal is here, and the city welcomed him with beautiful weather and a rooftop BBQ out in Crown Heights. I had such a great time at the BBQ, made some quality time with Tyler, ate the most delicious meat done up Brazilian churrascaria style, and met lots of great, chill, people. I also drunk a ton of tequila and mescal in the burning sun and almost went down for an hour in the early evening: danger danger!

I danced for a while with a boy named Asmani; it was so fun. When he was leaving he said goodbye to me about three times and I didn't want him to leave, but I also didn't want to experience the gross rejection of last weekend. In the end my boy craziness won out over my fear of rejection, and I gave him my number. I hope he calls me!

About Joe, I don't know what to do, and I was hoping to do nothing. Like stop making and answering text messages. I was thinking that we would just naturally dissolve since I'm going away on Thursday and then he's going on tour when I get back. But it seems we have graduated from texting to calling, and today he called me to invite me over for dinner. I still think I can do nothing, since I have no intention of seeing him before I leave. Above all, I want to not hurt his feelings. Maybe it's not as grave as it seems, and he just wants to fuck fuck fuck, the way we started this little thing that has stretched on for almost a month now. And that's just the thing: it's a thing, right? We're not dating. I'm kind of dying to use the line "We're not dating, so I don't have to break up with you, right?"