Tuesday, July 22, 2008

interconnectivity biting me in the ass

The Internet is freaking me out tonight, which is unfortunate because (a) I've been missing it while my free connection has been acting up and (b) I was just beginning to trust it with all of my mental vomit.

This past year or so, I've jumped from the usual use the internets to find jobs and email people, and have started two blogs, joined Facebook, hosted a number of couchsurfers, and went on a wild internet dating spree that ended with that horrible horrible horrible crazyblinddate date. Tonight I got one of those random emails from one of the many dating sites I logged into ONCE, and instead of ignoring the email, I decided to go check in on what I actually disclosed about myself on the site. Then I ended up spending a few hours on it taking tests and uploading a photo. Haha! I guess I was somewhat inspired by an evening spent with two of my favorite people in the world, both of whom have are currently in committed relationships with online roots.

While my internet connection dawdled me in and out of okcupid, I got a message from a couchsurfer I hosted a few months ago, telling me he found my blog because I'd mentioned his comic in it by name. He wasn't offended though, and wondered when we could hang out again.

Horror of fucking horrors! I was appalled. This is my anonymous blog and even though I write about everything from period sex to puking on subways, I felt extremely exposed. Then he went on to explain himself in defense of a comment I'd made about him. BAD internets, BAD! This made me want to puke all over my laptop (and then write about it, of course). Is it normal that I am okay posting all this shit online, and then feeling cheated when someone connects the dots? But this is how I felt when Boy started keeping up with my Myspace blog...hence my new blog, unconnected to anything...anything except a semi-detailed account of my existence, I suppose.

And how do I tell couchsurfer that I just don't have time for anyone new in my life with whom I'm not specifically obsessed? With any luck he'll just read this blog while I am systematically going through all my defunct dating profiles and removing them all. But I don't even know which ones I've joined, it turns out.

Saturday, July 19, 2008


I'm back from two glorious weeks in Nicaragua and back to my old tricks. Sleepwalker is visiting, and she is currently passed out on the futon, trying to purge a hangover following a night that involved drinking in three boroughs. Poor thing! We be gettin' old; it's true.

Nicaragua was an amazing time. One of my favorite things about traveling is putting to use skills that I don't normally use in my day-to-day existence. In Morocco last summer, I surprised myself one day by figuring out we were going the wrong way by looking at the sun. And in Nicaragua last week, I exercised some surprising skills in speaking Spanish, group sex, purchasing of narcotics, and staring down paralysis while bicycling down a treacherous road in search of a halfway decent cup of coffee. My loathing of bicycles is totally illogical and a little disconcerting, and this last experience did nothing to help the cause. Another thing that made me proud was how lightly I traveled this trip. I'm a pretty light traveler to begin with, and this was my lightest trip yet. It makes me feel ridiculous to come home to my overcrowded apartment.

It is strange to be back in New York in other ways too, and this insomnia just gives me a lot of time to remember all the things we did in two short weeks, and how relaxed and peaceful I felt. I hardly ever feel like that in New York, but I'm hoping that can be my takeaway from the trip, that feeling of "all is right with the world." Nicaragua is a beautiful land with beautiful people and beautiful food. I ate so much fried chicken, beans and rice, plantains, god this is making me hungry just thinking about it!