Monday, June 30, 2008

yes, keetens, i really am busy

My week has pretty much been a swift return to the boozeness, peaking Friday night with My Friend's brilliant idea to get me to drink six shots of whiskey on the roof of his building before I needed to go out to Brooklyn. Needless to say, I peed on someone's German automobile and woke up at 4:30 in the morning, confused, hungover, and in Park Slope.

That day was a rough day. I made my way out to Little Neck for an epic BBQ involving at least a dozen chickens, a duck, a turkey, lamb gyros, a repeat of the amazing Brazilian picanha (expertly prepared by my current obsession, Tyler), and several thousand dollars worth of beer. Tyler is driving me fucken crazy. I don't know why I have to want someone who is clearly emotionally inaccessible, but that's just the way it is, I guess. The boy just won't give me a damn inch. I hate hate hate love love him. I spent the evening wondering how to connect with him, aside from showing him my many bruises and scrapes from the past few days. Incidentally, this is also how I connect with eight-year-olds.

On a happy note, I finally grew the makings of a spine--albeit a flexible, cartilage-based one--and broke it off with Joe. I had failed on making the transition earlier this week, and I am horrible at ending things with nice boys whose only mistake was to show me how truly interested they were in pursuing a meaningful relationship with me.

I had kind of thought/hoped/feared that I had "broken up" with him via drunk voicemail on the night of my whiskey greyout, but then I kept getting more messages from him. I just want to share this with you, because this was a good one. It worked for me, and maybe it can work for you, too!

Ending a 6-week affair via text message, in less than 100 words:
Joe: Hi! Hang out tonight?
S: Sorry i cannot
Joe: Pssh, I give up. (this was the third night in a row)
S: Sorry it's nothing personal--i am really busy this week. To be honest i didn't really expect to see you anymore because of our travels. (it took me a half hour to decide between saying 'didn't' and 'don't')
Joe: Ah no hard feelings. Its a bummer, I'd squeeze in time for it (by it I think he meant fucking, what do you think?) but we can call it even.
(Ten minutes later)
Joe: Ah heck with it, if I dont see you - good luck out there!
(Awww! What a sweetheart!)

S: Thanks doll, say hello to the cali for me.

Done and done. Now, back to my secret plans.

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