Check out my new post, let's see if it gets better responses than my last two:
The Six Steps to Our Second Date - 27
Reply to: email@example.com
Date: 2007-09-22, 4:17PM EDT
The Six Steps to Our Second Date
Step One: The Push
It’s raining and I’m bored because I live alone.
Step Two: The Post
I return to my craigslist addiction and post on women seeking men, that I am:
(a) 27yo SAF
(b) not of the agreeable, fair-skinned, petite, accented variety (god if that’s how stereotypical I am towards my own people just imagine what I’ll be like to you)
(c) a smoker, a grad student, with a personality that is stable in its unstability
(d) interested in contemporary urban fiction, most every kind of music, food, and sociopaths
(e) looking to DATE (what a fucken concept) a reasonably fit SWM, 25-35, with desires in life beyond getting trashed on Friday night and preparing for an inevitable return to the suburban lifestyle from which he came
Step Three: The Flood
Out of 50 responses, I get:
(a)5 cock shots
(b) 20 “hi, here’s a pic, let’s hang out” with said picture and no chance of getting a reply
(c)10 guys who write in ALL CAPS, or without punctuation indicating they are probably jabbing at a prehistoric Apple II with two fingers, the other fingers being otherwise engaged up their assholes
(d)5 guys who seem nice, but because they don’t attach a photo, I assume they are ugly or have some kind of hangup/shame about meeting people online, (while I obviously don’t) which is sad, because…they’re embarrassed of themselves. Gee, that’s sexy.
(e) 10 guys who seem to have a sense of humor, a decent face shot, who I write back to with a picture of myself
Step Four: The Filter
Of these 10 guys, five guys drop out after the first email exchange because:
(a) Despite me telling them I was not an agreeable, fair-skinned, petite asian girl, they did not believe me until they saw the photo.
(b) I am too cute and they get scared, because it can’t be that I’m not attractive enough for them.
(c) They can’t figure out that their email has a spam filter and never see my response.
(d) They suddenly lose their job and move to Pittsburgh.
Of the remaining five, two others lose in the process because over the course of one more email, I realize:
(a) They’ve already lied to me once or ignored my age/weight/intelligence requirements, which were somehow masked in the first email
(b) They suggest meeting at some crappy sports bar where I will be unwittingly hypnotized by the TV and unable to carry on a conversation
Step Five: The Outing
Of the three remaining fellas, each one proposes a day, a time, and a spot to meet at, and I meet them there. They arrive on time, which shows basic respect and consideration, giant bonus points. We think to ourselves, “thank god they look exactly like their photo,” because there is no fucken point in sending your only good photo of you looking semi-thin from that flattering angle in that weird light. We throw back a few drinks, reveal basic information about ourselves, and then break out of the routine exchange to actually talk about how we feel about life. We have a good time because we are comfortable with ourselves and know how to carry on a conversation, and actually learn some random things throughout the course of the evening. After I feel like I’m getting too drunk for my own good, we part ways in our new mature phase of life with a kiss on the cheek, and each take the subway home, smiling.
Step Six: The Fallout
Of the two guys I didn’t really like in person but they were too dense/drunk to tell, they:
(a) email me that they want to hang out again and confirming my suspicion that they are too spineless to call me in person
(b) call me, indicating their strong interest in me despite my subtle cuts into their personalities, and of course I think they’re pathetic
Of the third and only guy I actually liked, he waits a few days, calls me with a specific plan to get together again, and we have a second date that it’s even better than the first.
This is how it works with me, in case you were wondering.
- Location: this means you have to be able to count
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests