Thursday, March 12, 2009

t-minus 14 hours

I have to admit that when I say am "excited" for my trip to the desert, this excitement is more fear-based than happy-based. Detox doc and I have been talking about this innate desire I have to attack all my fears. He says that this may not be a good wanting to conquer your fear of public speaking is a good thing...but wanting to attack bears...not a good thing. It is hard for me to know the difference, though.

Taking away booze has made me want to be in control of everything, and in a desire to overcome this, I have not planned a damn thing. Like I have not planned anything beyond my plane ticket. This terrifies me. I know this sounds completely idiotic. Like, why would I scare the shit out of myself intentionally...but it's something I have to do, just to show myself that it's okay.

Why yes, being neurotic is very stressful. I keep on telling you this.

All I know is that when I get on the airplane, there is a 20 percent chance that I will feel very good about everything, a 20 percent chance that I will fall asleep, (I AM EXHAUSTED. I did not sleep last night, and I slept on Neighbor's sofa before getting up before dawn again to shoot photos before embarking on a most stressful day) a 50 percent chance that I will feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown and decide to take a handful of tranquilizers, and a 10 percent chance that I will sit next to a very cute boy who will take my mind off of all of my troubles. That's the way life is when you've sworn off of men for the month.


Anonymous said...

can't wait to find out how it went!

Papagayo said...

have a great time love! kisses and blogs...

keetens said...

dude, when you come back lets talk about nervous breakdowns.