I didn't watch the Super Bowl tonight, did you?
I don't have much to say tonight except that I felt like calling someone only I didn't because I figured everyone would be at a Super Bowl party. Even my mom was at a Super Bowl party. I was supposed to go to one, then I backed out at the last minute because I felt cranky and remembered I had all this shit to do that I had been putting off all weekend. Also the SB party I was supposed to go to was being hosted by someone I kind of have a crush on, and I think it was going to make my head explode.
This week was a Joe extravaganza. I saw him every day and spent 6 of the last 8 nights with him. I was actually going home to hang out with myself on Friday night when I went down the wrong subway platform and ran into him around midnight. Holy fucking shit, right? Of course I listened to "fate" rather than my extreme exhaustion. I trust things like that more than my inner monologue. That shit is boring.
$chool is crraaaazzzy busy but I'm in Joe-land. He's now officially homeless and I'm about to do something crazy, namely give him keys to my apartment. Idon'tknowIdon'tknowIdon'tknow! It makes me want to scream. I don't know what the fuck I'm thinking. I guess I'm thinking that school is crazy and yet there's this guy who is completely removed from school and who I can talk to about other things and writing and fall completely in love with and then in a few weeks he will be gone so I might as well lose my fucking mind.
I think it makes sense.
I am so far into sobriety that it's ridiculous. I am almost three months sober. I feel like I will never drink again. I bought wine for a baby shower the other day. Carrying the bottle of wine in my hand gave me a rush. I got real excited. There was a game played where people had to drink shots of vodka out of baby bottles. This was after I had to play a game where I changed a diaper on a toy bear. I did very badly because I was wondering how I was going to get out of this. I almost told them I was pregnant so I didn't have to play. I was wondering how I was going to get out of this.
Later on in the night I went back to a party at the McKibben lofts with Joe. It was the party where we first met, probably nine months to the day. Only now I'm sober and he's leaving and I could have had his baby by now.
Life is funny like that.