Yesterday a counselor at $chool referred me to the Center for Motivation and Change, what she described as a "skills center" for wealthy, functional people. I think she said something like, "Oh, you know, it's full of like, stockbrokers and lawyers who know that they party too much." It kind of cracked me up. It is totally expensive and the home page is littered with stock photos of Buddha and bamboo, but apparently $chool will cover parts of it, which I find both hilarious and exciting. I am motivated to change, thank you very much. I just don't really believe it is possible, when poisoning myself slowly has proved itself so effective and accessible.
Last night I smoked a spliff, watched Ciao, Professore! and went to sleep at 8:30. It was so needed. I was so bitchy and exhausted Sunday night that I almost didn't go out when Curly called me over to Red's for what has become a weekly Sunday night cookout, followed by dancing at Black Betty. But of course I did go, and didn't get home until almost 4 a.m., and so I was a sad sight yesterday, trying to talk to the counselor and conduct a phone interview with an ICT policy wonk in DC. He was interesting though. Functional and wealthy! Hah! That makes me laugh in my most sad, deeply cynical way.