Wednesday, May 28, 2008

lady doctor says: up here is connected to down there

OK, I don't know if I let on how terribly anxious I was about today's OB/GYN visit. Well, I was. But it turned out okay down there, yet led to an intense line of questioning about what's going on up in my head that is leading to all of these woes. I spent more time answering questions than with my feet in the potholders, and strangely enough I felt more comfortable with her poking around my cervix than poking around in my head.

Questions like these I am okay with:
Are you sexually active?
Do you smoke?
How do you like New York?

Questions like these make me very uncomfortable:
How long have you been smoking?
How much do you drink?

Questions like these make me uncomfortable and concerned:
Have you ever injured yourself or others due to your drinking?
Have you ever tried to quit smoking? drink every day?
Are you concerned with the amount you drink?

When I remarked that it had been a very thorough questionaire, she said, "Well, I like to get to know more than just your breasts and vagina." Wow, I bet there are so many women who would long to hear that from someone about to stick something in there. Maybe that's the gynecological equivalent to foreplay.

She asked me if I'd ever been pregnant, sexually assaulted (in such a PC, roundabout way that I almost didn't understand the question), and if I wanted help managing my high-risk behavior. I accepted a referral for my insomnia problems, explaining that insomnia, more than alcohol, has prevented me from accomplishing everyday activities. The only thing she didn't ask me about was drugs.

So, I have been going pretty hard for the past two months now, but I don't really see an end to it any time soon. Let's face it; it's summer. This sun, after so much greyness and misery, is literally making me crazy. I don't know how I'm going to handle 22 hours of daylight in Alaska. Back when I made these plans, nothing could sound better than constant sunshine. But really, all that happy may damn well kill me.


sami^raced said...

Lucky you my living space is sort of underground. my windows are at dirt-level. so the sunlight is restricted in my room and you can hide from the daylight.

you will be fine. you need to get out of all the cities! you are going to love the quiet and majestic beauty of the Last Frontier.

mountain boys, purple nugs and home brew is all you need love ;)

i'm glad you went to see a doctor and she was thorough even if she "poked around" a little more than you expected.

Papagayo said...

i was so taken aback the first time i went to the doctor and he didn't ask about drugs. i mean, really? seemed less than thorough to me. the doctor sounds good to me- i like the leading you to your own conclusions, which is what my guy does a lot... makes me set the agenda, which I hate but is absolutely brilliant.