I have to confess that yesterday I did something so incredibly frivolous and girly that it was like I was almost possessed: I got a pedicure. I've never gone and done that before. But I have been thinking about it for a while, mostly because I walk around here staring at my feet all day. You have to, to avoid stepping in dog shit, tripping over the ruined sidewalks, or falling into a hole. Or, oh god, I almost stepped into a thick pool of blood congealing on the sidewalk the other day. There had been a traffic accident--a car and a motorcycle. I was ---> this <---- close to putting my sandaled foot in the blood. It shook me up so bad that I actually crossed myself and felt strangely better. The culture is pervading me in bizarre ways. I don't quite understand.
Anyhow I got this pedicure and then I walked around staring at my feet like they were someone else's feet, someone who knew what was going on, and I was just following her around. My friend and I went together but had to have back-to-back sessions so we were in the salon for a really long time. But it was cool inside, and I was excited to indulge. I started the week off in kind of a grim cloud of anxiety and apprehension. That is what happens when you do a bunch of stupid shit and then you have nobody to talk to about it. Treating myself to something nice made me feel better about everything. Okay, so I also treated myself to some ice cream and a brownie and a big salad for lunch and a pair of cheap sandals that I really needed...but the pedicure was the best.
So I feel the need to apologize for my last post, which was a little bleak and trashy. Not that I believe that I should have censored myself really, but I think it is a little unfair to write about shit like that when you are far away and not in constant contact. It causes people to worry about you.
But I am back to work on things in my slow, plodding way, and I feel good. I submitted my second magazine article this week and landed a third assignment this week which will be really fun to work on. I think I will even get to shoot photos for it! Everything is okay when I take a deep breath and say, "Be patient; things are slow; things take time." When I remember to say this to myself and keep moving forward according to plan, everything is fine. It's when I give into the Asian-American (maybe the worst combo of Type 'A' personalities) shrieking in my head that I think "Ohmygodwhatthefuckisgoingon, whatkindofchoiceshaveimade, whodoithinkiam, whatdoihavetoshow, whatamiworth, whoamikidding, youarethirtyyyearsoldnowactlikeit!!!!!"
Deep breath: as I was saying.